In Which Our Hero Is Outted

For as many social situations there are, there are probably equal or more than the number of unwritten rules, or exceptions to those rules. The locker room is one such “social” situation. I use quotes because, really? Is the locker room social? I mean, one of the unwritten rules is, Thine Mouth Shalt Remain Silent And Not Initiate Conversation With Another Dood When He Is Neked.

Others would follow along that same vein. Thou Shalt Not Stare At Another Dood’s Junk. Thou Shalt Not Bend Over And Put Your Nether Region In Another Dood’s Face. Thou Shalt Never Sit On A Bench Neked Without A Towel Under Your Rump. You know, common neked guy courtesy. And then there’s some like, Thine Body Shalt Be Dry Before Entering The Changing Area, or Thou shalt Be Patient When Other Doods Are Blocking Access To Your Locker, and alternately, Thou Shalt Hurry The Eff Up When Thou Art Blocking Access To Some Other Dood’s Locker.

But then there are the unwritten rules that have unwritten exceptions or unwritten allowed violation.

Like peeing in the shower. The unwritten rule is, Thou Shalt Not Pee In The Gym Shower. But, we all do it. I mean, sometimes you walk into the shower, start to lather and realize, “Oh! There’s no stopping this!” And there just isn’t time to rinse and make beeline for the head. Plus, you’d have to dry off so you don’t drip your way all the way there and back. It just happens. But, even though we all do it, there is still the unwritten rule to deal with. We’ll go to lengths to try and hit the drain out of common courtesy, and we’ll do our best to hide the fact that we’re peeing by letting the water run off our member in a way to hide the stream. God forbid you’re dehydrated and the stream is dark enough to give you away! But, usually we’re able to mask it and avoid being the Pee Pariah of the gym and having to shamefully make that drive across town to the other gym where they HAVEN’T caught you peeing in the shower…yet.

And over the years we perfect the process, and peeing in the shower becomes a common thing, and we think nothing of the violation, masking our streams with savant like skill.

Until the day you forget you had a massive meal of asparagus the night before…

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