killer of bees

let it be know to the order of hymenoptera that tangling with the amazing hip will result in your painful and untimely death.  i am your scourge.  i am your reaper.  i am your death.  may this warning serve you in choosing your targets wisely.

yesterday, on my ride home from work, i was flying down a street, in a big gear and nearing 25mph when a foolish and careless member of said order made an attempt to find out just how amazing my hip was. 

from the inside.

i, like most cyclists when pushing hard, will ride with their mouth agape to get in as much air as possible.  this provides quite a large target, and said member of the aforementioned order hit the bulls eye.

it took all of a second to collect it in my mouth and spit it back out, but that was just enough time for it to deposit it’s stinger in the roof of my mouth near the top of my throat.  immediately upon spitting it out, i could feel the pain and throb of it’s poison coursing through my mouth, jaw and cheek.  i cruised to a stop, sat on the curb and let the initial pain subside.

i fished around the roof of my mouth where the pain was the greatest and couldn’t find the stinger, but when i let my tongue run over my entire mouth, i could feel it stuck in the roof toward the back of my mouth.  i tried to scrape it out without squishing the sack, but failed and felt a wave of additional pain as i connected with it.  i finally pulled it out and sat there for a moment marveling how such a small thing could cause so much pain.

i made sure that it wasn’t swelling so much that my breathing was impacted, washed my mouth out with water and then hopped back on the bike to continue my ride home.  i made it home safely with no further incident.  i was a bit more conscious of how open my mouth is when i ride hard.

now, a full 15 hours later and i can still feel a dull pain in my mouth and jaw.  at least i was on the winning side of that fight, though.  when will those things learn that even though they inflict pain, they’re going to lose?  maybe they think it’s a war of attrition.

soundtrack for this post
lick:
hipsters:
wax:
Insects
Oingo Boingo
Farewell: Live from the Universal Amphitheatre Disc 1

17 thoughts on “killer of bees

  1. I’d be tempted to say ‘karma’ after you laughed at me being stung in the butt, but I have some sincere sympathy :) Ouchies!

  2. Unlike Bill Clinton, I do feel your pain. A couple of years ago, I was helping my son at a car wash this time of year. someone brought some donut holes as treats…I popped one in my mouth and immediately had a pain like a knife into my gum.
    A wasp was on the opposite side of the donut hole, enjoying the sugar when I ate it. I didn’t know for sure till I dug out the stinger. Bad swelling and real pain.
    Yes, amazing just how painful such a small thing can be. I can’t imagine having that happen on a bike…you did well to keep control and get to a safe stop, jeff.
    Glad you are safe!!

  3. Aaagh! That would have freaked me out. You handled that much better than I would have.
    The only thing that would have made it better is if you didn’t kill him, but only injured him to within an inch of his life, then sent him back to tell the rest of the hive not to mess with you. A little mafia-style intimidation.

  4. Hello Jeff,
    Is it true that you have only ran 11.80 Miles month to date? If this is the case, then I would like to run with you at El Moro at 5:00AM with you this week. Thanks, Mr. K.
    Oh yeah, maybe breath through your nose more often.

  5. more than one mouth breather in the family, yippy!!! we have more in common than I thought! cannot believe you were so calm…ouch! these things only seem to happen to you…what a lucky dog!

  6. OMG, this is awful and funny at the same time;-) Glad you were ale to come to a stop and get things taken care of. The visual of you flying on the street with your mouth wide open made me giggle, thanks!

  7. Oh that’s horrible…and sortof funny (now that I know you didn’t suffer any real problems from it). I’ll keep this little story in mind next time I’m riding or running, or trying to put my mascara on, with my mouth gaping open :)

Leave a Reply